THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
