Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
