what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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