That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
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I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
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No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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