just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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