textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
