tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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