I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
