Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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