The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
