I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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