They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize