I just cut my nipple shaving
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
And the cops told us we were all naked.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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