i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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