did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
