sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
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I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
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Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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