You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
