I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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