can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
