dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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