went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
