Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
accomplished twins. life is a go
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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