we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
