there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
