Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
she smelled like a LAN party
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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