your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
