What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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