WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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