I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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