i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He is an equal opportunity slut.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
