with your own penis?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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