You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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