his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
