Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
