You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
