I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i think im in europe. pls send help
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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