My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
i now understand why vodka
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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