The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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