1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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