i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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