No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Two words: blizzard sex
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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