i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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