He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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