doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
