Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
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Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
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Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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