Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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