Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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