I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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