Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
