matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
