Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
