Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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