i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
