Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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