y did u give ur computer a hand job?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I need water and some morals
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
