I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
