Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
false alarm. still invincible.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
