You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
