You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
