i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
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Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
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just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
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