You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
